


Double

by babypilots



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Cuddles, F/M, Insecurity, Little Space, Little Tyler, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Regression, Switch!Josh, little josh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-13 14:25:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11761812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babypilots/pseuds/babypilots
Summary: Josh hadn’t meant for it to happen like this.





	1. I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is age regression so if you don't like that don't read it

Josh hadn’t meant for it to happen like this. 

He’d meant to talk to Jenna first, he’d meant to have her talk to Tyler; he’d meant to be in control of _how_ and _where_ and _when._

He hadn’t meant for Tyler to encounter the situation alone. 

It was two in the morning, and the soft motions of the bus hurtling through nowhere would usually have lulled him to sleep by now. But Josh had been awake for hours, letting the empty, silent dark of his bunk freeze him out of his own mind, constricting around his reality, until he had no choice but to detach. 

More than once, he thought about calling Jenna. She wouldn’t mind being woken up to help him with this. She could probably help him better than anyone he knew - the same way she helped Tyler. The same way both of them did. 

But the idea of Tyler needing him like that right now sent a lurch of guilt and anxiety through Josh’s stomach. Usually, the soft and needy presence of his and Jenna’s baby boy would comfort him, steady his heartbeat, slacken his muscles. But the thought of having to be in charge of anything right now just made him grow even smaller, shrinking further into an endless circle of vulnerability that had no center, nothing to hold on to. 

All he wanted was something to hold onto. 

Someone stirred below him, shadows suddenly dancing on the curtain that separated him from the aisle between bunks, and Josh felt his heart sink in his chest. 

_I can’t do it,_ he panicked internally, tears threatening his eyes. _I can’t do it right now. He needs me, and I can’t…_

“Dada?” 

Tyler’s voice was soft with sleep, the curtain only serving to muffle it further. It was the same as any of their sleepless nights - Tyler always spoke just loud enough for Josh to hear him if he was awake, but not so loud to wake him up if he wasn’t. 

If he didn’t say anything, if he stayed very still, Tyler might think he was asleep. But that thought alone was too much for Josh. How could he possibly explain to this sleepy, needy, little Tyler, that he couldn’t follow through with their usual routine? 

He let out an involuntary whimper at the thought, and it was all over. 

“Dada?” Tyler said again, pulling back the curtain slowly, evidently having heard enough to know that he was awake. “Can’t find my paci.” 

Josh mustered up the energy to respond, hoping that it would come out as more than just a squeak. 

“Mm, baby,” he strained. “Backpack.”

His eyes had adjusted to the dark enough to see that Tyler was wide eyed, lips parted and stuffed rabbit dangling from one hand. He was wearing one of Josh’s shirts. 

“They’re in your backpack, Ty Ty,” Josh whispered again, every word taking an immense effort to choke out. 

Tyler’s face fell, and Josh knew that he wasn’t being convincing enough 

“Papaaa?” Tyler whispered, drawing out the syllables. He hunched down, leaning his torso into Josh’s bunk, rabbit and all. “What’s wrong?” 

Josh just shook his head, breathing shakily but trying to smile. 

“N-nothing, baby boy,” he squeaked. 

Tyler just pouted, concern etched onto his face. 

“You want me to find my paci? I can do it,” he promised. “Big boy.” 

“Mmm,” Josh whimpered guiltily.

Tyler scurried away, and he heard his backpack unzipping, followed by a soft noise of triumph, and then he was back at Josh’s side. He pressed himself against the wall as Tyler climbed in, baby blue dino pacifier clutched in his fist. 

“Joshie,” he whispered. ‘Are you okay?” 

As much as he tried, Josh’s couldn’t get comforting words to pass his lips. The idea of being in any kind of control made his head spin. 

“We can call Jenna,” he mumbled. “M sorry Ty, I…” 

Tyler hooked his hand in the collar of Josh’s t-shirt, breathing through heavy parted lips and looking him directly in the eye. 

“It’s okay, Joshie,” he said. “Love you anyway. I c’n be a big boy.” 

Josh’s eyes watered. 

“You don’t have to,” he urged, choking on his breath. “Jenna will pick up, you need…” 

But he was cut off by Tyler wrapping clumsy arms around Josh’s neck, pressing his face in so that their noses were practically touching. 

He could see the gears working behind Tyler’s eyes, fighting through the haze of little space, and Josh’s internal panic started to grow. Deep down he knew that Tyler wouldn’t run away from this, that he’d understand completely, and love him all the same. But he couldn’t help the tug at the back of his mind warning him that there was no going back at this. Tyler wouldn’t want the same things from him after seeing him like this. 

But Tyler was pressing hands to his cheeks now, looking wide-eyed and earnest as ever. 

“Joshie need to be little too?” he whispered. 

Something inside Josh fell apart. 

“We can call Jenna,” he said again, voice barely there. “We can…” 

“Shhh, Joshie,” Tyler mumbled, wriggling closer and extracting his rabbit to make himself flush with Josh’s chest. “‘s okay, I promise. We can be snuggly together.” 

“Mmn,” Josh agreed, tears finally falling. He let himself press his forehead into Tyler’s shoulder. 

He’d never even imagined the idea of the two of them like this; little together, alone. If anything, he’d daydreamed about doing it with Jenna there, both of them vulnerable, but with a comforting presence to latch onto. 

But even without an overseer, even without a layer of control, Josh found every bit of comfort he needed in the crook of Tyler’s shoulder. Tyler was just as small, just as needy - clumsy and cozy as ever - but he wasn’t asking anything of Josh. He was just letting Josh hold him, each of them taking comfort in the feeling of the other pressed against them. 

Silent, small, and pacified, Josh held on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be writing a little more baby/switch joshie as time goes on. Hope that's okay with people


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was not supposed to be multiple chapters but i have a lot of feelings right now.

Tyler woke up first. 

He had held his pacifier in his hand all night, and the feeling of the rubber between his fingers sent a feeling of safe, peaceful relaxation through his body. Like it often did, the helplessness of regression had worn off overnight, leaving him timid and comfortable and cuddly, but feeling more like himself. 

Josh was still dozing beside him, and it wasn’t until he caught sight of the dried tear marks under each of his eyes that Tyler remembered what had happened when he’d climbed in here in the middle of the night. It wasn’t unusual to wake up in Josh’s bunk, but this time had been different. This time, the soft and dominating presence that he was used to hadn’t been there. 

But far from disquieting Tyler, it had comforted him to be with Josh in that capacity. As safe and wonderful as it was to be taken care of, it had been twice as wonderful to take care of each other. And what’s more, it had been as if Josh was letting Tyler meet him for the first time. He wondered briefly whether this had been a spontaneous revelation for Josh, too - or whether this had been something he’d been sitting on, afraid to bring up. 

And what would happen Josh was awake? What would happen if Tyler found himself out of little space, with Josh still in it? The thought made his stomach clench unpleasantly, nerves rising in his chest. Being little together was one thing, but Tyler had never entertained the idea of trying to be in control. He would have no idea what to do. 

But he knew who would. 

Fortunately, Tyler had managed to wake up long before everyone else on their crew, so there was no danger of anyone watching him as he extracted himself from Josh’s grasp, wriggling out of the bunk and letting his sock feet hit the floor. Josh’s oversized shirt bunched up around Tyler’s shoulders as he landed, and the smell that surrounded him felt more like home than anything he could imagine. All three of them had worn this shirt at some point - and the same could probably be said for most of Josh’s t-shirts. It smelled like sweat and sleep, like Josh’s citrus deodorant and the aroma of fresh linen that always seemed to cling to his wife. It smelled like all the things he associated with safety. 

Tyler stood on his tiptoes to reach up onto his bunk, grabbing for his phone, and tossing his rabbit and pacifier back in their place. It was always a little strange to be surrounded by baby things once he’d fallen out of his regressed space, but by now, he had learned that trying to hid things caused too much trouble when he was too little to find them again. With Jenna at home and Josh often asleep, it was easiest just to keep everything within reach, just in case. 

Yawning wide, Tyler padded into the back lounge, flopping down on the couch. The sun had just started to filter through the blinds, stripes of orange moving along his bare legs, all the way down to the fuzzy socks that had been among his many christmas presents from Jenna that year. 

At the thought of Jenna, a warmth that had nothing to do with the sunlight began to seep through Tyler, and he felt himself smiling absentmindedly as he pressed his finger to her contact name in his phone. The only benefit of touring on the west coast without her was that he knew she’d already be awake when he called on these sleepy early mornings. 

“Ty,” she cooed sweetly, picking up on the second ring. “It’s early, baby. You sleep okay?” 

It was the kind of response that would have been comforting regardless of whether he was big or small. She was always prepared for whatever capacity he needed her in, and her sharp generosity never escaped him. He was endlessly grateful. 

“Mmm, morning,” he mumbled softly, and he could practically hear her smile. 

“Morning, love,” she murmured. “Thought you might be small. Usually are when you’re up this early.” 

Tyler bit his lip. He never had trouble bringing things up with Jenna, but trying to explain what had happened last night seemed like an insurmountable task. What if Jenna thought he’d done the wrong thing? 

To his dismay, he could feel himself starting to slip into timid neediness, automatically furrowing his brow and chewing clumsily on his lip. 

“Babe?” he heard her murmur through a yawn. “Everything okay?” 

“Mmm,” he affirmed again. He brought his legs to curl under him on the couch, clutching at his knees, and suddenly began to wish that he hadn’t left his stuffie back in his bunk. Rarely did he get little this fast. 

Jenna’s breath was patient on the line, and Tyler knew he couldn’t hide a thing from her. 

He rested his chin on his knees. 

“Mama…” he whispered. 

Jenna’s response was immediate. 

“Ohh, Ty, sweetie,” she hummed, seamlessly transitioning. “It’s okay if you’re feeling little! I didn’t mean it like that, baby boy. C’mere.” 

It was a pointless invitation, and she knew it, but it had become like any other word of comfort. Even on the other side of the country, c’mere meant that she was there to provide him comfort. C’mere meant I love you. 

“Mommy,” he said again, voice soft and low. “So small last night.” 

“Awh, baby boy,” she purred. “Did you Joshie help you out? Nice nighttime cuddles?” 

He shifted in his seat. 

“Uh huh,” he said. “Mama…” 

She made a small noise, and waited for him to continue. She and Josh were so different in their dominance in that way; Josh tended to reciprocate and respond to all his noises and nonsense calls for attention, whereas Jenna would simply wait patiently for him to use his words. 

“Mama,” he went on, drawing the word out over a hesitant sigh. “Last night. Different.” 

“Hmm sweetie, different how?” 

“Nnn,” said Tyler, biting his lip. “Woke up d… woke up… Josh,” he fumbled. 

“But he was awake. He was sad, an’...” he took a breath. “He was little. Mama, Joshie was little like me.” 

Jenna didn’t speak for a moment. 

“And he seemed sad?” she said slowly, and Tyler could imagine her cocking her head to the side. 

“Uh huh,” he affirmed. “Crying a little, an’ said we could call you. Couldn’t talk that much, I don’t think.” 

“Baby,” she said quickly. “Ty ty. What did you say to him? When you realized he couldn’t be big for you right then?” 

Tyler shrugged, before remembering that she couldn’t see him. 

“Well,” he began, “first I went an’ got my paci myself, because he seemed too sad. And then I asked if he was little.” 

“Good boy,” Jenna said sweetly. “And what did he say?” 

Tyler tried to remember. 

“Didn’t say if he was,” he answered. “Kept crying an’ saying we could call you, but I knew he was little, so I told him it was okay an’ we could be small together and stuff. And then…” he finished “...we cuddled lots.”

“Ohhh, Tyler,” he heard Jenna say, her voice tight as if she was holding back a huge amount of emotion. 

“Mmm, mama?” he hummed, feeling even needier than he had before. “Was that okay?” 

“Tyler,” she said again, “I am so proud of both of you. You did exactly the right thing, sweet boy. You’re such a good boy for me.” 

Tyler squirmed in his seat, blushing, and bringing his free hand up to rub clumsily against his face. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

“You’re welcome, sweetie. And thank you for calling me to let me know.” He heard her let out a long, humming sigh. “It sounds like Joshie might be dealing with stuff that’s making him need to not be in control. Can you help him be small if he needs to, Ty?” 

“Mhm, I can!” Tyler promised proudly. “We can share stuffies!” 

Jenna laughed and made a cooing noise, sending waves of giddy comfort through Tyler. 

He chewed on his lip, hesitating. 

“Mama?” he began nervously. “Is... Joshie your baby now too?” 

Jenna made a small affectionate noise that only served to make Tyler wish that she was holding him right now. 

“That’s a good question, baby boy, but it’s something that we’ll need to wait until Joshie is awake to answer. And even then, it’s not gonna be a simple yes or no. We need to all three of us talk together, when both of you are feeling big.” 

“Okay,” Tyler chirped. “On facetime?” 

“Mmm,” Jenna said. “I don’t know. I think I’d better come out there. Let me just…” 

He heard the sound of the phone being pulled away from her face. 

“I’m just texting Andrew now to make sure it’s okay if I hitch a ride with you guys after San Jose. I could get a flight out of here in…” she hesitated, and when she came back, her voice was near and warm again. “...four hours.” 

“Mama,” Tyler began, worried. “Jenna… you don’t have to… you’re supposed to be with your mom, and… don’t wanna make you give up your life to help…” 

“Ty ty,” she cut him off. “Sweetie. Everything here can wait a few days. You boys are the most important thing to me, always. This involves all of us, and I want to be there for both of you while we figure it out. Okay?” 

Relief flooded through him at the sound of here words. Not only was she going to help, but he was going to get to see her, his wife, his dom, the best source of comfort he knew. Or half of it, at least. 

“Why don’t you go back to your bunk, sweetie?” she cooed. “Let me sing to you a little, see if you can get a few more hours of sleep?”

“Mmmmmm,” Tyler agreed, stretching his arms above his head and standing up, toddling back out of the lounge, much clumsier and more vulnerable than when he’d entered it. He snuck a peek to ensure that Joshie was still snoring, before climbing into his own bunk, immediately clutching at his rabbit. 

“You all cozy, Ty?” Jenna cooed, and he was too hazy to remember that she couldn’t see him nod. It didn’t seem to matter. Jenna knew him well enough. 

“Got your paci?” she quizzed him again. 

Tyler reached a blind hand up, fumbling along the shelf next to him and reaching for the same one that he’d brought into Josh’s bunk in the night, popping it into his mouth and starting to suck. Sometimes the pacis just made him miss Jenna more, but it was alright now, knowing that he’d see her soon. 

“M’ma?” he said suddenly, his words muffled around the paci. “D’you think Joshie needsa paci now?” 

“Ohhh, sweetie pie,” Jenna hummed. “We’ll have to ask him! Let’s try to take it slow though. We don’t want him to get overwhelmed.”

“Mmmkay,” Tyler agreed sleepily, snuggling into his pillow. 

Moments later, Jenna’s gentle voice began to filter across the line, singing a soft oldy that he couldn't quite place. 

Objectively, her voice wasn’t amazing - the few times she’d sung along with his and Josh’s songs, all three of them had laughed about how out of key she was. But with nothing to accompany her, in the hushed stillness of the morning, it didn’t matter. Tyler could listen to her forever. 

She would be here soon. They’d all three be together. He closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to bring him closer to her arrival. 

He wasn’t sure what would happen, or what Josh would say when he woke up. All Tyler knew that as long as the three of them were in the same place - as long as Jenna was there to help and soothe and care for them - it was going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> switches are good
> 
> also i'm on tumblr [@baby-josh](http://baby-josh.tumblr.com) and you should also follow my friend [@baby-tyler](http://baby-tyler.tumblr.com)


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey... it’s been awhile ❤️ glad i’m finally finishing this up.

Not even five hours later, Jenna was there. If nothing else, the success of the band allowed for the convenience of quick travel at any expense - a necessary luxury with a relationship like theirs. 

Mark had directed her towards the right bus without a single question, and as she often did, Jenna counted herself lucky for the discretion and respect of the crew. She was surprised to find the front room of the bus empty, and made her way back to the bunks, not sure what to expect. 

She didn’t even have the chance to wonder. A mere second after opening the door, a soft figure collided with her, wrapping arms around her neck and pressing his face into her shoulder. 

“Baaaaby,” she said, drawing out the word and bringing a hand up to rub slowly over Tyler’s back.” 

“M’ma,” he whimpered, his voice getting lost in her sweatshirt. She tried to pull back to get a look at his face, but Tyler just clung tighter, sniffling softly, and she resigned herself to comforting him with her hands, her voice, her lips against his hairline. 

Over his shoulder, she scanned the room for Josh, but found only the drawn curtains of a single upper bunk. Her heart tightened at the thought of Josh, who she loved so much - who Tyler leaned on and adored - so small and alone, and so unwilling to be helped. 

“Ty,” she murmured, finally pulling back. “You’ve been such a good boy, taking care of yourself while both of you are feeling small. I’m so proud of you. You did so good.” 

Tyler blushed, hands interlocked behind his back, and he allowed himself to smile shyly up at her. And yet as quickly as it had appeared, the smile was sliding off his face again, and he was pulling at her sleeve. 

“He’s so sad, Mama,” he insisted quietly, his words coming heavy and fast. “I told him he doesn’t hafta be Dada right now but I think it made him more sad. He keeps crying, and I -” he broke off, tears pooling once again in the corners of his eyes. “I want him to feel like he makes me feel.” 

Jenna felt her heart tear into pieces, a hundred emotions bubbling up in her chest, none of them stronger than love, for each of these boys, for both of them together. Swiftly, she lowered herself onto the edge of a nearby bunk, pulling Tyler down onto her lap. She would deal with Josh in a moment. This was important. 

Her boy leaned against her chest, big brown eyes tilted up at her. 

“We need to find out how we can help Josh feel safe, huh baby?” she said softly. “Like he and Mama help you to feel safe when you’re small?”   
Tyler nodded vigorously, his long tufts of hair brushing her neck. 

“I don’t care if he can’t be my Dada,” Tyler repeated valiantly. “I have you, and you’re the best mommy in the world. And you can -” he paused, growing shy. “Well, just if you want,” he mumbled, pressing his face into her chest. 

Jenna smiled. 

“I can be his mommy too?” Jenna probed, running fingers through his hair. “Is that what you were going to say?” 

He nodded into her chest, shifting the fabric of her sweatshirt up and down as he went. 

She let out a gentle and affectionate sound, kissing Tyler’s temple briefly. 

“You’d like that, sweetheart? Your friend to be small with, and your Mama to help both of you feel safe?” 

“Mmmn,” Tyler whimpered, and she recognized the shy gratification in his voice. 

She gave a final kiss to the top of Tyler’s head, and then nudged him back into a standing position, making her way for the curtained bunk. 

“Let’s see what we can do for our boy, hm Ty?” she said, motioning for him to join her. He lagged a little, still holding onto the hem of her shirt, but finally followed. 

Hesitantly, Jenna rapped her knuckles on the side of the bunk, pulling back the curtain just a few inches. Even in the relative dark, she could make out the messy back of Josh’s head, facing away from them on the pillow. 

She opened her mouth to say something, but Tyler was faster. 

“Joshie,” he said, his voice the epitome of sweetness. He hesitated, looking up at Jenna. “Mommy’s here.” 

It was enough to make him turn his head. Jenna had expected red eyes, dark circles - but she was met with an expression she hadn’t seen even from Tyler before, let alone Josh. Wide-eyed, lost, utterly vulnerable. Utterly small. 

“Sweetheart,” she breathed out before she could help herself, and the appellation alone made Josh’s bottom lip quiver. 

He rolled over to face them, and for a moment Jenna thought he might say something, but the moment his eyes landed on Tyler, Josh’s shaking lower lip spilled over into full on tears, and he buried his face back into the pillow, his face screwed up with an emotion that Jenna could only identify as shame. 

“Joshie,” Tyler said helplessly, persistent in his will to make things better. “It’s okay now. Mama can take care of us. She loves you lots, and I love you lots and lots.” 

Josh just nodded into the pillow, face still a badly restrained picture of distress. 

Frustrated, or sad, or both, Tyler plopped himself down on the floor next to the bunk, wrapping his arms around his knees. She felt a twinge for her baby, doing his best to help, but unable to break through the walls that this small and fragile version of Josh had put around himself. It was only then that she began to realize, looking back and forth between the two boys, what might be stopping them from figuring this out. Understanding now, she crouched down next to Tyler where he sat. 

“Hey Ty baby, can you do Mama a big favor?” she said. 

He nodded shyly, letting her pull him up to standing. 

“Could you give me a few minutes alone with Joshie? I think he might be a little self conscious.” 

Tyler nodded slowly, and she could see the gears churning behind his eyes. 

“Like how I didn’t used to want to be little in front of him? In the beginning?” 

Jenna sighed and nodded, pressing a flat palm to the side of his cheek, stroking. “Exactly like that, lovebug. That’s just what I mean. We have to be patient, and kind.” 

Tyler nodded more confidently this time. “I can do that, Mommy,” he promised, grabbing his phone and his stuffie from his bunk and leaning his body weight affectionately on Jenna’s shoulder before turning and heading for the back lounge, where, she was sure, he’d be caught up in racing games until she came to find him. 

Jenna turned her attention back to the quiet boy curled up in the bunk in front of her. 

“Josh,” she cooed, reaching far enough in to the bunk to lay a gentle hand on his shoulder. “It’s just me. You don’t have to worry about if Ty’s okay.” 

Josh shifted, and took in the kind of sharp and flat breath that let Jenna know he was still crying 

“Oh, sweet boy,” she whispered, more to herself than to him. 

She was less practiced than the boys at climbing into these awkward bunks, but had cuddled up with Tyler in his enough times that she knew to step onto the one below and hoist herself up. Awkwardly, she positioned her small frame in front of Josh’s curled one, replacing her hand on his shoulder and bracing her knees against his. She kept the contact at that, taking her cues from him, not wanting to overstep or overwhelm. 

“I’m right here, love,” she told him, stroking over his t-shirt with just a thumb. 

Josh took in a deep shuddering breath, and let it out again, tickling her chest. 

“I don’t -” he began, his voice smaller than she’d ever heard it, and yet she was sure it was his, not an affect, not an act. “I’m sorry.” 

She couldn’t help it at that, and reached up, combing a gentle hand through his wispy hair. 

“Sweetheart,” she breathed, stroking again and again. “What on earth are you sorry for?” 

Josh screwed up his face, breathing deeply again, as if getting words out was a monumental task. She wouldn’t be surprised if it really was. His efforts disintegrated into a whimper, and he brought the back of a limp hand to rub over his eyes. Helpless.

“Josh,” she began again, “It’s a hundred percent okay if you don’t feel like you can speak right now. We can just be close, or I can give you some alone time. But I need you to know that until you’re willing to let me know a little bit about what you’re feeling, it’s gonna be harder for us to give you what you need. We’re right here for you, me and Ty. You just gotta let us be.” 

“I meant t’ talk about this,” he rushed, words coming out as if they’d been trapped in his throat the whole time. His voice was thick with tears. “Wanted to explain first before it happened, before I freaked out Ty. And to see -” he broke off, lips contorting again, eyes still hidden. “To see if it was okay,” he finished quietly. 

Throwing caution to the wind, Jenna let herself melt the rest of the way into him, curling a tight arm around his back and pulling his head against her chest. It was a protective gesture that they’d both initiated with Tyler a hundred times, but with Josh, it already felt different - the weight of his head against her, the feeling of his curls, the low, blissed-out noise he made, all different from Tyler’s. It warmed her to think of the new things about this side of Josh that they all had yet to discover. 

“Josh,” she breathed, calculating her words. “I promise you, I absolutely promise - you have no reason to feel guilty. I so appreciate that you wanted everyone to be prepared before the fact, but it’s okay. It’s alright.” She paused to move a hand down to his back, stroking in small circles just as she’d done with Tyler moment’s earlier at the bunk room door. “You’re not compromising anything by needing to be small. Tyler would be so happy to get to share this with you, and trust me, baby boy,” she said, feeling Josh tremble a little in her arms at the name, “I have enough love in me to care for you both. And that’s just a fact.” 

Jenna coaxed his head up like that, meeting his brown eyes, and giving him her most generous smile. 

“I’d so much rather help you feel safe and cared for than watch you torture yourself and hide your vulnerability. I promise that if you’re willing to trust us with this, trust that letting your guard down isn’t going to hurt anyone, I will give you every bit of comfort that I can.” 

The noise that bubbled out of Josh’s chest in response told Jenna everything she needed to know - full of longing and appreciation, love and need, and she responded without hesitation, doubling her grip around him and pressing kisses into his hair. She’d never felt this close to Josh before, and it was a kind of intimacy she hadn’t known she’d been missing, but that she knew she’d never turn back from now. 

He mumbled something into her chest, and Jenna pulled back to give him space. 

“Hmm?” she encouraged, but he just buried himself again, shy. 

“Scared,” he finally mumbled against her chest.” 

Jenna just stroked another hand through his hair, brushing his scalp soothingly. “How come, sweetie?” 

Josh shrugged against her, but went on. “Don’t wanna be like this always. Wanna still be big for him, be - you know -” 

And Jenna understood, It made perfect sense. Her relationship with Tyler made it easy for her to see things in black and white, divide people up into big and small, carer and cared for. But it wasn’t like that for everyone, and it was foolish of her not to have seen it before. 

“You want to do both, honey?” she realized. “Sometimes his Dada, and sometimes my boy?” 

He twisted against her, clumsy. “That’s okay?” he wondered, asking with his eyes. 

“It’s absolutely okay,” Jenna reassured him, pecking him on the nose to prove it. “You just give us the cues, and we’ll follow. We want you either way. We want you no matter what.” 

Josh let out a breath, and Jenna felt him finally relax. 

“Mm, mm,” he mumbled, a blush creeping onto his face.

Jenna’s heart skipped a beat. 

“What’s that, love?” she tentatively pressed.

Josh full on squirmed, grabbing at the front of her sweatshirt again. “Mmmmm,” he repeated, his voice high and tentative, barely held together. 

She breathed out an affectionate sigh, vusing one hand to tilt his head gently up, and looking him in the eye. 

“It’s alright, sweetheart, I promise,” she cooed. “You’re safe with me. You can say it.” 

Josh closed his eyes, shuddered, and opened them again. They were glazed over, unfocused, but locked onto hers. 

“Mama,” he mouthed, quiet and indulgent, and it was almost too much for her heart to handle. This baby. These boys. She held him as tight as she dared. 

“That’s right, my sweet baby. You’re safe.” 

It felt like an hour, but must have been only minutes before Josh shifted again, and Jenna remembered that Tyler was waiting for them in the other room. 

“Hey, Joshie,” she said, reaching into the pocket of her sweatshirt. “I brought you something.” 

He blinked up at her innocently, making her smile.

“I got this for Tyler,” she went on, “but you know how he is - never wants to use anything except his normal one. No pressure, absolutely none,” she added carefully, smiling softly for good measure. “But it’s here if you think it will help.” 

Josh reached up slowly, taking the pacifier from her grasp and turning it over in his hands, studying it. “Rocket,” he said simply, voice small, and Jenna grinned.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Thought you’d like that. Suits you, spooky.” 

And for the first time since she’d arrived, Josh’s lips melted into a smile. The familiar twinkle of his eye provided Jenna with a rush of relief, and she let out a breath that she didn’t remember holding onto. Smaller, needier, but this was still their boy. Their Josh. 

Infusing every action with the utmost love and care, she pushed his hair off his forehead, and placed a long, purposeful kiss against the soft skin there.

“You’re such a kind, sweet, beautiful baby, Josh,” she breathed into his ear. “We’re so lucky to love you.” 

Josh squirmed shyly below her, clutching at the fabric around her stomach, but she didn’t miss his smile. 

*

As predicted, Tyler was flat on his stomach and deep into a very loud something on his phone when Jenna pushed open the door to the lounge, Josh trailing behind her. 

“Hey, Ty Ty,” she said, loudly enough to pull him out of his game, unfurrowing his brow and looking up at them with wide, bright eyes. 

“Joshie!” Tyler exclaimed, leaping up from the floor and scrambling towards him, but Jenna caught him before he could reach his destination, holding him firmly by the shoulders. 

“Slowly, remember sweetheart?” she reminded him in his ear. “Help him feel safe, like he helps you.” 

Tyler hesitated, nodding, looking quizzically at Josh, who was still standing still in the doorway. 

“Paci,” Tyler observed quietly, pointing to the pacifier in Josh’s hand. 

Josh held it up as if just realizing it was there, and then nodded, dazed. 

Tyler moved forward gingerly, and Jenna could see him doing everything he could, even in his compromised state, to be soft and caring and gentle with his newly vulnerable partner and friend. Slowly, cautiously, he took the pacifier from Josh’s hand, and for an exasperated moment, Jenna thought he was going to take it for himself. But to her absolute heart-wrenching delight, Tyler put one small and grabby hand on Josh’s shoulder, and with the other, brought the paci up to Josh’s mouth, and slipped it inside. 

“There,” Tyler said firmly, with such a kind determination that Jenna would have laughed if she weren’t utterly incapacitated with the significance of this moment, the weight it held as a turning point for all three of them. 

She watched with bated breath, looked between Tyler, airy and hopeful, to Josh, still unmoving in front of him. 

And then the wait was over all at once. Josh tumbled forward with such force that Tyler was literally knocked off his feet as Josh wrapped his arms around him, and they fell laughing to the rug, Tyler squirming and giggling under Josh as he clung to him, tucking his neck into Tyler’s shoulder, all tears, all smiles around his pacifier. 

Jenna sunk down alongside them, letting herself laugh, letting her two boys grab gentle fistfuls of her clothes, her chest, letting herself fall on top of them in an all-consuming embrace. 

“I love both of you more than you could imagine,” she said to both of them, and to herself, and to anyone who cared to listen. 

Two boys smiled up at her, one proud, one bashful, and both of them full of the kind of intimate trust that she knew had to be earned. They had earned this comfort from each other. They deserved it. 

There were a million things left to decide, a million nuances and adjustments to their dynamic that they’d have to figure out, but as Jenna watched Josh pressing a curled hand to Tyler’s chest, needy and protective all at once, she was certain of one thing. 

They would figure it out together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> josh is tiny and deserves to be himself


End file.
